


FIRSTS

by bokkiewrites



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, Romance, Smut, but not as you know it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7086163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokkiewrites/pseuds/bokkiewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>read the prologue for an introductory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PROLOGUE

I liked collecting firsts. They filled me with an excitement and a natural high that I imagine no drug could ever achieve. I swept through boys and girls like wind, that's how I got the nickname. I thought it was funny at first and I didn't think much of it but over time it's stopped just being a name but rather an alter-ego. 

I lusted for any form of firsts; they all gave me the same feeling. Whether it be first encounters, dates, hand-holds, kisses or sex. It didn't matter to me how I achieved them either. I was smart about the relationships I formed; I'm using that word loosely. I adored the people I created these moments with but I despised commitment. The idea of spending the rest of my life with one person, quite frankly made me feel claustrophobic. That's why I always left before things got too deep, before they had the chance to announce the three words I dreaded the most, "I love you." That was the only first that didn't give me a rush.

I wouldn't say I have the best timing though, sometimes I became addicted to collecting as many firsts from one person as I could and pushed my time limit to the very edge. They'd collapse onto the cloud of love only for my wind to blow them off and then they'd fall for a while. Fall in a void of loving someone and them not reciprocating it. I've heard it's an awful feeling. I wouldn't personally know.

They'd get over it, I suppose. I was good at not caring and distancing myself enough from the actual romantic side of things to avoid my own heart-break. I was on a streak; I'd broken many hearts but never my own and wasn't planning on losing any time soon.  
I cried sometimes. More so because the guilt of being a shitty person, not because I felt bad for what I had done. I would've been completely fine living the rest of my life going down the path that my pseudonym took me on. That was until I met Isla.

I introduced myself as Wind but somehow she heard Blair.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat in the booth at the corner of the cafe, the waiter had already brought over my usual. A regular flat white, no sugar and a large pile of serviettes. A majority of the staff knew me but not by my name. I was "the girl who's always breaking up with people." This was my go to rendezvous-ender-location.

"Who's the poor sap this time?" one of the waiters, Andy, asked as he pulled a chair up beside the table. "His name is Jack. 6"3, Capricorn, lovely guy, even lovelier kisser," I said as I ran my fingers over the edge of the coffee mug. I was nervous which I shouldn't be because I do this sort of thing all the time but I never know how people are going to react. It was the only negative part of the game I played.  
"Is he a crier?" I groaned "Oh god, I hope not." I'd had my fair share of tears, that's why my usual was accompanied by serviettes. Oh and drink throwers too, but that's only happened twice. It's more of a precaution.

"So who's next on the hit-list?"

"I've got a guy in mind. He's tall, shoulder length blonde hair; the surfer kind of style. Looks really good in his all black work uniform, excellent at bringing me coffees. The only downside is he isn’t the best at making them."  
I smirked into my cup as I sipped, waiting for Andy to catch on. "Oh, no way in hell!” His eyes doubled in size, “You'd better take me off that list. I’d like to think I’d be good at resisting but you are an expert in charming people and I think I’d eventually cave." I laughed, slapping his arm. 

"Aye, I'm not that bad." I was lying through my teeth and he knew it. "Shit he's here, go watch this Oscar-award-nomination worthy performance I'm about to deliver from behind the counter." He quickly left the table and headed for the bench, making it appear as if he was cleaning the coffee station.

"Jack, hey!" I signaled him over to the booth and his eyes brightened when he saw me. He walked over smoothly and kissed me before sitting on the opposite side. That was the last time our lips would touch. "A lot of serviettes their Blair." he laughed, raising his eyebrows questioningly. "Oh, you know me, always making a mess!" I pretended to almost spill my drink for the show and heard a noisy laugh from behind the counter  
We fell into a comfortable chat for a while, it was ten minutes into his arrival and this was already taking much longer than I had hoped. I couldn’t find the right time to casually slip in a break-up and Andy was looking bored and giving me gestures to hurry it along.

"Are you listening to me, Blair?" His voice broke through my thoughts and I quickly apologized. “Sorry, I was just thinking about work.” I offered a small smile and he didn’t seem to care that I had been ignoring him. This guy was too easy going for my liking, I need to make sure my next target isn’t so laid back. “That’s alright. I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to my work function tonight. A group of guys and their girlfriends are going out for dinner; I thought we could go to.” Girlfriend. He considers me his girlfriend. I couldn’t go along any further, I had to end things right now. 

“I can’t tonight, Jack.” I began and ran my hand through my hair as I tried to decide how I was going to do this. “That’s alright, they do it regularly so we can go another time.” Alarm bells were ringing in my head, he was hinting at future plans. This was getting too deep. I needed to say something, anything would be better than letting him think we’re more serious than we are.

“No Jack, I can’t do it… ever.” I sounded ridiculous, what am I doing? He frowned for a moment and I thought he was catching on until he said: “Do you not like my friends?” I sighed. "I don’t like you.” My eyes widened, that was supposed to stay in my head or at least not come out as harsh. He looked confused and hurt in front of me but I pretended not to care. I couldn't backtrack now I guess today's breakup would have a lack of sugar coating.

“Sorry mate, just not feeling this anymore. Better to break it off sooner rather than later yeah?” I was being a complete asshole. “I thought we were doing good, Blair. I really like you. I know it’s only been a few weeks but I thought we could've had a future?” I definitely left this one too late.

“Sorry Jack, it’s over. I have to go.” I got up, slid over the serviettes and signaled for Andy to meet me at the door. 

I walked with my head high and an unbothered face, I knew people were looking. Surrounding tables had heard the conversation and curiosity was a flaw of the human race.

“You were so brutal,” Andy said as he arrived and handed me a ham and cheese toastie to go. “Andy, you’re a gem.” He always gave me something on the house after a break-up. “Are you sure you don’t want to be next? I could really get used to free food and coffee on the regular.” He opened the door and started shoving me out. “Don’t tempt me today. Go find another vulnerable person, same time next week?”

I headed out the door and laughed, he knew me too well and I don’t know if that was a good thing. Wind was really taking over my personality. “Yeah, probably,” I called back and headed to work.

\----------  
I remember in high-school I studied philosophy. Locke had two rules for personal identity, one of them being a thing can’t be one thing and another or occupy the same space and time at once. I was Blair and I was Wind. They were both two very different persona’s that existed within my one mind. What did that mean for my personal self? Basing off Hume’s bundle theory, is my identity a formation of both of my personas? Or am I just thinking about this too deeply and completely forgotten the rules? It's been a while since I'd opened a philosophy textbook so the latter seems more likely.

I mulled it over until I arrived at work. Today it was at the Hi-Fi; the perks of selling merchandise is the number of live acts I get to see at different venues very regularly.  
\----------  
It was a few minutes into the act and the line had emptied. Most kids never risk their chance to be as close to the barricade as possible to buy merchandise. A few comeover, especially during the opening act because let’s face it; anyone who isn’t the artist you’re paying to see totally sucks.

“Who even are these guys?” Mia asked as she tried on the band in questions t-shirts. “And why do they hate their fans? This is so ugly.” She pulled it off in disgust and I rolled my eyes at her. She critiqued every artist’s clothing.

“I don’t know some local group,” I said dismissively, they weren’t bad but they weren’t one of the best I had heard either. “Let’s hope they never make it out of Melbourne, they’d just be an embarrassment to the state.”

Mia has no filter. She doesn’t care what she says or who’s listening when she speaks. I never have to worry about her stabbing me in the back because she’d do it to my face.

I watched the crowd of people become totally immersed in the music. Concerts were my favourite thing in the world; something about hundreds of people together for a common interest made me realise how good life can be. These kids camp out for hours and befriend each other in line and it's just the coolest thing to be a part of.

I scanned the crowd and saw a girl dancing at the back with her friends; platinum silver hair swaying to the music. She was so off beat, but there was something mesmerising about the happiness glowing off her. I recognised her from other shows. She was a regular at gig's and was either always on the barricade or right at the back, never anywhere else.

"Are you working the Palais next week?" Mia asked and I tore my eyes away from the girl. 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am. Are you?"

"No but Noah is so can you please swap shifts with me?"

"Mia," I sighed, she was always trying to get shifts with Noah. "I really need the money and plus you guys have already slept together multiple times if you want to see him again just organise something outside of work."

They have the weirdest relationship. They both want something serious with each other but neither of them will admit it.

"Please! I'll do the Palais on Saturday and you can take my spot at the Corner Hotel on Friday night and then you have the whole weekend free to find a new person to swoon over you. See how good that sounds?" 

I began pretending to think about it, but I knew that I was going to agree, I can tell how bad she wanted it and who am I to interrupt true love?

"Fine," I said and she began smiling brightly and pulling me in for a hug. "But on one condition, you actually ask him on a date because I'm so sick of you guys pulling strings to get shifts together. We're all sick of it."

Mia promised that she'd ask him out then we began speaking about whatever came to mind as I watched the silver haired girl dance to the mediocre band.


End file.
